Dear BBQ Chicken
We were best friends from the time that I cannot even remember now. I’m not sure exactly when it was, but I can remember the first day I met you. You were amazing. Unlike many other foods I had met before, you were special. Those who I met in the past were all dull, boring and even tedious. You were different. It was like facing a whole new world. As I took a bite, a flow of extraordinary tastes came into my mouth. The crunchiness on the outside lured me, and the soft and savory inside seduced me. Then, I was enticed by you.
You were my best friend; but, still you were not my lover. I was in love with pizza. Soon after I first saw you, I met him. He was a nice guy, too. Also, because my parents liked his family, he visited our house very often. Naturally, we became close friends and we were close enough for me to believe that I loved him. We went out together and soon, we became a couple.
However, as I moved into a new place-the boarding school where I am currently studying-, our relationship fell apart. In a place so isolated, it was extremely hard to meet anyone-including him, my very cheesy lover. Gradually, he stopped visiting me and we lost contact.
It was you BBQ, you were different. You were always standing by my side. You were always my supporter. Unlike pizza, you always came to visit me once in a month on the chicken day- the only day that school officially allowed any fast food to come in to school. I was glad, to see my best friend visiting me regularly. That became the sunlight, a little lay of pleasure shining through a tiny little crack in the awful wall that was obstructing everything from the outside world. Because of you, I could endure my life without fast-food at school.
One day, I realized that I… that I love you. I do not know the exact time, but from some time within the last year, I realized I was looking for you whenever I could. Even when I visit home, the first person I call after arriving is you. Once, I tried to stop myself but whenever I feel your care, my heart falters.
So it was a disaster for me when you were asked not to visit the school again by the faculty. So I have decided to seek you out on my own. Not only myself but everyone in the school wishes you would come back. Your brightness made people laugh. You gave hope to us all. COME BACK. Now it is my turn to find you and love you. If you write a letter of acceptance, I will happily fight for another approved visit to our school.
With all my heart, Miso
This is cute and fun, Miso. Definitely a lot of students at KMLA can empathize with your fateful breakup with chicken. We just had chicken on Tuesday, no?
답글삭제Anyways, you could have been a bit more poetic with descriptive writing - the greasiness, the crunchiness, sweet and salty romance as steam rises out of the box etc. You write well, and for the most part your grammar is strong enough. But is it consistent? You make errors which you seemingly should be able to identify with a closer proofread. A lot of sentences had mixed verbs, while other sentences had no problems at all. Pay closer attention next time.
That said, nice formatting, structure, and insight. I hope you find your long lost love again. Maybe Kyochon?
Naturally, we became (DELETE) close FRIENDS and we were close enough for me to believe that I LOVED him. We went out together, and soon we became a couple.
However, as I MOVED into a new place - the boarding school WHERE I am (DELETE) currently STUDYING - our relationship (DELETE) fell apart. In a place so isolated, it was extremely hard to meet anyone - including him (WHO IS "HIM?" UNCLEAR. HAVE SOME POETIC FUN HERE - "MY CHEESY GREASY FRIEND"). Gradually, he stopped visiting me, and we lost contact.
(NEW PARAGRAPH) At first, I missed him a lot. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Nevertheless, those FEELINGS soon wore away as time PASSED, and I saw someone else standing next to me.
That became the sunlight, a LITTLE RAY OF (DELETE) pleasure shining (DELETE) through A tiny little crack IN the awful wall that was obstructing everything from THE outside world. Because of you, I could endure my life without fast-food AT school.
I do not know the exact time, but from some time WITHIN THE last year, I realized (DELETE) I was looking for you whenever I COULD. Even when I visit home, the first person I CALL after arriving IS you. Once, I tried to stop myself; but whenever I feel your care, my heart FALTERS.
(LOT'S of mixed verb tenses in this previous paragraph especially. Focus on which is best - past of present - and stick to it.)
So it was a disaster for me when you were asked not to visit the school again by THE faculty. So I have decided to SEEK YOU OUT ON MY OWN. Not only MYSELF but everyone in the school WISHES you WOULD come back. Your brightness made people laugh. You gave (DELETE) hope to US ALL. COME BACK. Now it is my turn to find you and love you. If you write a letter of acceptance, I will happily FIGHT FOR ANOTHER APPROVED VISIT TO OUR school.
Waiting for your positive answer,
With all my heart, Miso